Meeting Jakob

The day came when we were going to meet Jakob after 20 months from start to finish.

We had been warned about Congo time; everything happens around 2 hours after you're told it will.  This is no big deal; you're in the middle of Africa with nothing to do. I could accept that.  So we woke up bright and early (I did) unable to sleep, took a freezing cold shower without a shower curtain so covered the bathroom in water, missed breakfast because Joe was still sleeping (jet lag) and I didn't feel like going to the kitchen by myself not yet having met anyone and I didn't speak the language.  So finally 10 am rolled around and we promptly walk down to St. Annes lobby.

Isn't it beautiful?

We walked around the parking lot, up and down the street the Embassy and St. Annes hug (yes, even down to the end where everyone says you will definitely be kidnapped or mugged-we weren't).  We explored some more of the parking lot and walked closer to the church.  Got to know some men who sell souvineers outside the St. Annes entrance (we loved those guys).  We made every vehicle feel extremely uncomfortable as we stared them down looking for a toddler in the back seat.  

patiently waiting

Then finally we meet 2 women I knew from facebook.  They happened to be in the lobby once we made it back inside for some cold water because by now I'm about to pass out from the heat.  Finally I met Christine and Alizon!  Alizon was actually leaving that day so we were able to speak to her for an hour or so and that was the end of our journey together.  Christine, her beautiful daughter Meizi and her hilarious mom Dolores became regulars in our daily if not hourly lives.  We will always cherish those times we spent with them, Liz and countless others.  So Alizon graciously takes our mind off the long wait and the heat and gives us some sort of guidance and advice about the DGM maybe or safety, can't really remember.  Then Joe, in a very relaxed tone says, "Lindsey, I think he is here..."  I didn't really believe it.  There was no way this moment had finally come after so long and I was so calm.   No way I didn't burst into tears and make a mad dash out of the lobby screaming for my baby.  Joe stands up and confirms it is truly Jakob and makes some kind of comment about how he is definitely looking like the temperament we always assumed he would have (judging from pictures throughout process).  Sad.  Scared.  Alone.  

We actually saw a glimmer of hope in this one.  This was February 2013, a week or so before we travelled.  Perhaps they told him we were coming?  :)

Same outfit as when we met him with gifts we sent

This picture came with the note that he was upset he had to pause while eating his rice- he hasn't changed!

Our referral picture

We walked over to him and I kneel down to him, he won't look at either of us.  He is just standing in the parking lot.  The young girl who brought him gives me a hug and tells me she doesn't speak English, I tell her I don't speak Lingala or French and we laugh.  I'm emotional when she tells me her mom is the foster mom but she always took care of him.  I think I hugged her again and my eyes welled up with tears.  She is a teenager, not sure how old, looked like she definitely had style and here she was, taking care of my baby. She was one of the women who showed him love and held him when he was scared.  Jakob was holding the infamous bottle of Afrika Fun soda.  It was 1/2 empty... our first sign of obsession with sugar drinks!!!  She nudged him closer to us and told him he could come to us, that we were his mama and papa.  She took pictures of us, I'm assuming for her mom who couldn't come that day.

I think this was about the time I first held him.  We walked into the lobby and it was then I first saw his toes, held onto his tiny legs and big belly, took in a deep breath of not so good aroma that was our baby.  He was wearing the pajamas we had sent him in a care package with another family.  They were dirty.  I haven't washed them since we've come  home and I can still put them up to my face and it takes me right back to that day.  I just went upstairs... it still works.  I'm weird.  We took some pictures with his "sis." 

she is so sassy I love it

She leaves pretty quickly and we head upstairs.  I think I've mentioned how we set him in the middle of the floor and he didn't move a finger, bat an eye, he was completely still, still clutching that Afrika Fun.  He was exhausted.  I think we all were.  Emotionally and physically.  What a day.  I held him and I was full of tears.  Then Joe told me he was sleeping in my arms.  What a moment!  So I laid down with him.  Pure bliss.

 Eventually he woke up and we set him on the bed and gave him his Christmas present from December 2011.  He was pretty excited about the wrapping paper.  And by excited I mean he looked at it.  

Then we started pulling out the big guns.  Joe opened the hotwheels.  The sky brightened, oceans parted, we heard angels singing.  This means he moved his hands and reacted to our existence.  The original video is much longer but I don't want to bore you.  I watch it and I'm still amazed at who he was and who he is now.  Two different kids.  I still tear up watching this.  Our sweet boy!

Then I get smart.  Stickers and accessories.  For any of you that know Jakob, you know he loves his hats, shoes and ties.  This was only the beginning.

The rest of the day was filled with getting to know our little boy.  The first night he slept perfectly.  We thought we won the jackpot only to learn the next night and the following ones that he wants to be held and I must be walking around with the Ergo for him to fall asleep.  This took a while to figure out.  The second night he would moan and whimper and cry.  A couple times I had to leave the room because it was breaking my heart.  I thought he missed his foster family.  Or maybe his biological family.  Or maybe he was wondering why he was with yet more people he had never met.  Not to mention we had to look completely different to him.  I think that is an obvious.  So we just continually tried to show him what love was, who family is and that he was ours for forever.

This child's story will be one of redemption.

The old has past and the new is here.

It will be hard, it is hard, but I want our home to be open to those who need love.  Open to those especially who are alone, who need family.

Someone shared these verses with me while we were in DRC and we were struggling.  We knew Jakob had been hurt and that he was grieving.  This became our prayer for him and for our family.

For you shall go out in joy and be lead forth in peace; 
the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing 
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the briar shall come up the myrtle;
and it shall make a name for the Lord,
and everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.

Isaiah 55:12-13

His pain has become our pain.  We aren't a white family or a black family.  While one may have brown skin and others pale skin, we became a NEW color all together, all at once.  One may have an African culture and the others an American culture, but we've become an Afri-Merican culture.  We will embrace him and blast that worship music as loud as we can when we feel broken and helpless.  God makes all things new!

Jakob

Does anyone even read this anymore ;) ??

I'm not sure, even if nobody does, I think I should start posting.  As if I have time!  My last post was about leaving CAN... that was-August?  Wow!!!

We have our son!  Home!!!  There have been 10 million emotions and 10 million valleys and even more mountains.   It is impossible to put it all into words.

We love him so much.  We are spelling his name "Jakob" because that is how it is spelled in his Lingala (native language) bible.  Some days have been so easy and smooth sailing and some I've worried he will not like us for what we've done, bringing him into our family-am I going to ruin him? (poor Joe and the mid-day phone calls)  These are really really low lows.  This is Satan attacking; I know this.  But all of these emotions are very very real and very raw.  It is all so beautiful and all so messy... it will take time.

The good news is, he is attaching so well.  He attached to us around day 3 in DRC.  This is AMAZING because he never spoke to an adult the whole 7 or so months in foster care.  He talked to Joe the 2nd day?  God did that.  I think my greatest epiphany through this experience is that children need a family.  Government institutions will never fill the void they need.  Yes, they can survive, but a child shouldn't have to "survive," but thrive! (And in the DRC, many are not even surviving).  Some may say a child should stay in their own culture, surrounded by people who speak their language, etc.  Well, this would be great in a perfect world, but a child needs a family, no matter what their skin color or language is.  I don't think anyone could say anything to ever change my mind on this, not after we saw Jakob blossom after finally having a mom and dad.  It was something I knew in my head and now something I truly know in my heart.

Julia and Jakob are the best of besties.  He mimics every single thing she does when eating, when playing, when watching cartoons.  It is hilarious!!!  She tries to mother him a little too much sometimes but it is just absolutely adorable-poor kid.  Today she insisted she help him buckle his car seat so she did, patted his hand, kissed his forehead and said, "love you honey!"  He is so blessed to have her as a sister.  I am so blessed to have her here during the day when all Jakob wants to do is cry and all I want to do is cry along!!!  Seriously, am I a two year old?  Being completely transparent here.  But I can get frustrated (as I'm sure he is as well) when a language barrier gets between us.  This happened yesterday and she came up to him as he was cryyyiiinnnngggg and I just kept trying to say the same thing in lingala over and over in my as calm as possible american accent and she rubbed his back and said, "it's okay!" to the two of us. Thank you, Julia, for reminding me that all I probably need to do sometimes is hold him and be quiet because now surely isn't the time for reasoning in 2 different languages, or 3 if you count my lingalish.  What a blessing she is!  Bringing her momma back to the basics.

I'm so thankful we listened to the still small voice that told us adoption was how we should add to our family.  It took us so long looking at domestic, foster care, foster to adopt, then international, and all the countries that are included in that.  DRC wasn't even on our list because of the "5 year married" rule.  when we switched agencies is about the time they say Jakob was abandoned, shortly after we were matched with him.  Perfect timing to meet our son on that computer screen.  He was ready for us and we were ready for him.  Deep heartbreak for Jakob and pure joy for us. It is terrible it works that way.

Please pray for him in this transition, that he will continue to attach and know we are his family.  We don't know his story, we only know he was abandoned in a field sometime around June of 2012.  We don't know what he remembers, how long he was in that field, who put him there, was it night time?  Did he cry?  Is that when he stopped talking?  Or was it before, when he was with whoever had him prior?  Did he have a momma who loved on him and covered in kisses?  Was she ill?  Is that why he was left in a field?  Did he wander off and become extremely lost?  My mind can wander and worry... As much as I would like to know the answers to the questions, and yes, I really would, I've found peace knowing the Lord knows and that is enough.  The Lord knows every nightmare, good memory, bad memory, negative reactions related to forgotten memories, and that is good enough.  He has gotten us this far, I don't see him abandoning us now, as we are truly just beginning.

Praise God for this journey; sometimes I still look at our family and laugh because it just seems so surreal that we traveled to Africa and brought a son home.  It surely isn't for the faint of heart, but Jakob has only added to our already overflowing cup!

Jakob's foster sister brought him to our hotel.  Such a sweetheart and he was really attached to her!

Once brought up to our room, Jakob stood in the same spot for about 45 minutes without moving a finger, batting an eye.  We gave him the soda bottle of Africa Fun he was clinging to when brought to us and he gulped the rest of it down like a pro.  Point 1 for us!

First Daddy-Son pic

First Momma-Son pic

 And so you see the transformation...

More pics to come; of course we have so many more!!!!

Jacob

I actually just posted a draft I had from months ago.  So much has happened and been on the rocks that it sometimes never seems to be sure enough to post an update.  Not sure if that sentence made sense but hopefully you understand.

We left Children of All Nations.  There were a few reasons and if anyone wants more details I could try to offer them personally, but we felt a little uneasy.  But probably not uneasy like you're thinking, we felt uneasy about our son and where he was, we just weren't sure we were supposed to be with CAN anymore.  We started finding people using DRC Adoption Services, an independent adoption consulting service.  I could also give you more information about this and why we knew we were safe and trusted them.  Amazingly, they have children waiting for families, not families waiting in line for children.  There are so many orphans in DRC.  As one new facebook friend encouraged, "Lindsey, there are way to many orphans to wait 2 years."  So, we were uneasy.  Not a complete peace anymore and we researched and researched.  We told DRCAS we were signing up with them and 2 days later we saw our little boy's picture.  Those big brown eyes, squishy little cheeks and striped Opie  (that's for you, Mom) shirt.  He was the one.  If we had not switched to DRCAS, he wouldn't have been in our requested age range if we stayed with CAN, not to mention he wouldn't have been available to CAN.

That Sunday we heard a sermon in church talking about taking steps of faith, and boy was this one.  The nail was hit on the head when he said, "sometimes you have to roll the stone away to see the gift of your step of faith" (referring to moving the stone from Jesus' tomb-must have sounded CRAZY!)

So we did and he is ours and we will call him Jacob :)-anyone catch the Nemo reference? haha...  We still appreciate your prayers as there are always things that can go wrong. We think it will be wonderful to have him home by January (we were told a general 6 month timeline, which would put us at Feb).  But at this point, just knowing it is happening is amazing.  Seeing his face is overwhelming.

Want to know who his biggest fan is?  Julia.  I have seen her multiple times go up to someone on our street and say, "mmm baby brutter!"  with the reply, "oooh!?  You have a baby brother?"  Julia will say, "mmhmmm!  be right back."  Then she will run into the house, get his picture and proudly display it to whomever will look.  She's also asked for my phone to show the wallpaper pic if we aren't home.   It warms my heart.  That little girl is just too much.  My heart overflows!

Things we've learned:
adoption is hard.  it rarely goes easy.
God is in control and He will show you the path in His timing, and it isn't always straight!
I must continually pray to fall in love with his timing.
Those little nudges? Listen to them.

The CAN Family

One day it hit me that there are other Children of All Nations -DR Congo families out there and there had to be a way to find out where they are in their journey and we could hopefully support and encourage each other if we had a way to communicate.  I started by finding an "adopting from DRC" yahoo group and introduced myself to all 500-something of them.  I told them we were adopting through CAN, requested a 1-2 year old boy and especially hoped to connect with someone from CAN as well.  God surely provided and a sweet gal emailed me and told me about the CAN DRC facebook group!!!  It has been such a blessing to talk to these people although the only downside is I'm checking the page WAY too much to see if anyone has any insights to how quickly the process is moving along.  Keep in mind, we were told that once our dossier lands in the Congo, it would take 6-12 months to receive a referral (heartbreak).  I spoke with our CAN contact and found out we were the 17th dossier sent, and there were now 11 families ahead of us waiting for a referral.  So we were # 12!!!  Just a day or two later, my FB pal let us know she found out 2 other families received their referrals.  We're now #10!!!  It is the little things that make it seem more real.  Knowing it will most likely not be a year from now till we find out his name, age, and see his sweet face just makes me want to jump for joy.  Can I dare but hope that we will have him by Christmas?  Now that will surely be a stretch, but a momma can dream.

Is it too early to get some really cool airplanes for his room?  Start picking out fabric to sew his blanket?  Nah...

We also just had 2 fundraisers.  One was an awesome yard sale where friends and family donated a ton of items and we got to them sell to raise money.  Last weekend we had our first of 2 One Less Photo Shoot in NKY/Cincinnati.  My sister in law has recently started doing photography because she is AWESOME at it and she has such a big heart for her nephew she offered to take pics of families for a small donation.  They turned out wonderful!!!!  Here is a sneak peak:


In a couple weeks we will have a photo shoot for Louisville and I can't wait to see what Shannon does with these sweet families and this beautiful city.  If you would like to see her blog, you can go here.

Last but not least, we've had some dear friends of ours send letters out to their family in hopes of raising us some money.  We did not ask them to do this.  And would you believe that their family members then sent out letters as well?  We've received checks from people we have never met.  Every single envelope has made me cry.  I don't tear up, I cry.  The Lord is showing us his heart for orphans and that he will provide the funds needed to set the solitary in families.  I've realized this has absolutely nothing to do with us and that we are merely tools he is using to show his GLORY and his bright light in a world of sadness and disappointments.  He is so good and he alone is worthy of our praise.  My heart is so humbled to be his servant, I only hope we will always say, "Yes, Lord!"

There is so much to update on.  My thoughts have been on all of these things I'm going to tell you, unless it is 12am, I don't have the time to write everything down!  You should see my daily list of things to do... shoowee.

Our Dossier is supposed to be completed.  This may change, because it has twice already.  This has been such a frustrating part of the adoption-the sigh of relief that we are finished and only have to wait on others, then learning (or realizing) we are still. not. finished.  Yeah, there are times in your life where things like this will happen, and the feeling is always frustration, but when it concerns your family, or, more specifically, one of your children coming home, it is enough to bring a momma to tears.  Our most recent experience: all of our documents had been collected and sent to the agency.  Our agency fees included the ability to send the dossier to CAN, then they send it to county/state governments to get sealed (this apparently is not common, a family must drive to get this done).  Our adoption counselor sent everything off to be sealed and wrote  us saying our birth certificates were rejected because the notary "expired."  These certificates were only a couple months old!!  But no worries, I had just ordered  new ones and they already came in the mail.  The next email, not even 10 minutes later, stated that we ordered incorrect wedding certificates.  This was not our fault, but Ohio's fault because they just changed the law saying that the certificates must be signed by the judge, not just the deputy clerk.  grrrrrrr.  This and a reminder that the wait for a referral takes up to 12 months brought me to tears.  There is nothing like going from the top of your game, getting shot twice then kicked in the gut.  Maybe that is a little extreme but it is exactly how I felt that day.  Since then we've sent in all the new documents and haven't heard anything.  I'll take silence as a positive.

But God is taking care of us.  A good friend reminded me that I would not get this time with "just Julia" back, so soak it all in.  And that makes everything better.  I love that little girl.  She is my heart.

A week or so ago we had a mommy-daughter day at the zoo.  We go to the zoo alot but I don't think we've ever gone just the two of us.  I loved it.  It was easily my favorite trip to date.

Doesn't she just melt your heart?  I can't imagine having 2 babies to love this much.  It will surely be a blessing.

We've also been overwhelmed by people that have come together to support us in our adoption.  One of the biggest things that have happened lately is I've become a jeweler for Premier Designs.  Can I just say I've secretly wanted to work for this company for a long time?  I remember telling someone about that desire before Julia was born.  I would used to go to shows with my mom and be so excited to be surrounded by the gorgeous pieces!  Such a girly girl.  So anyways, one day I approached a girl from church who is a consultant about ordering a piece for my mom's birthday (I look at it like supporting a local business or entrepreneur?)  Now Christy and her husband adopted their sweet little boy so she has a huge heart for adoption.  That girl offered to give us 100% of her profit.  I was overwhelmed!  This is one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for us.  So I said yes.  She also told me a little bit about the business opportunity but I wasn't too interested.  I ended up going to a meeting where you listen to the business side of Premier and as a reward, you can order whatever you would like for 50% off.  BINGO!  Mom's gift.  So I go, still not interested but I look at all the gorgeous pieces and start dreaming about having them for myself-yes, I took a purchase that was supposed to be about a gift for someone else and made it about me.  haha!  Well, I was enamored by all the beautiful jewels and couldn't help but think how FUN it would be to sell this product to raise money to bring our son home. One thing lead to another, details, details, God whispering, me questioning, Joe agreeing, and we signed up.  I had an amazing debut show where Christy rocked and so many beautiful ladies showed up to support!  God has been so good and the business has done very well!  I'm so thankful for this opportunity, not only for the obvious reasons, but because I'm able to force myself to come out of my shell-in front of people!  Yikes!  Little by little, the Lord is helping me grow.

To be continued...

Dossier and Julia Shmulia

We're right in the middle of the Dossier!  We sent off our first of three mailers at the end of December (signed documents and agreements-notarized) and then received information for our second mailer.

By this time I was seriously wondering what more they could possibly want from us.  We had given them so much information with our homestudy, which is included in the dossier.  By the way, our awesome social worker finished our homestudy and it has been sent off to USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) along with our I600A-petition to bring an orphan to the US from overseas.  Once that has been accepted, the petition becomes a I171 or something of the sort, and travels to the DRC along with our dossier.  This takes about 40-50 days.  Somewhere in there we also receive instruction to get FBI fingerprints which are included in our dossier.

This second mailer consists of quite a few documents that you can do quickly and in your spare time (or at 5 in the morning because you can't sleep).  We had to put together a letter about our family and why we want to adopt from the Congo, letter about our home, another about Joe, Julia and my personalities, etc.  We also fill out our millionth financial record which is becoming a bit redundant--you have to make sure everything is the same, so however much was in our bank account when we first started our homestudy in August, must also be on our dossier and sent to USCIS in their future package (there is another).  Anyhoo--it is all worth it.  And our agency has made it so easy for us:  detailed descriptions of the mailers, a packet on each specific document and how it should be worded, headers and footers, notarization, etc.  Children of All Nations is amazing.  I've emailed our international help there sometimes 5 times a day with picky questions and she always responds so quickly and kindly.  So back to the dossier!  We need to send out our Police background checks that we requested for our homestudy so this was easy--they were in our Adoption Assistance folder.  We also send out our notarized marriage license, and birth certificates (all three of us).  I need a notarized letter stating that I am unemployed, and Joe needs one stating that he is employed.  His poor boss, this will be his second letter.  We need a letter (on official company letterhead) from the insurance company stating that they will cover an adopted child.  This letter has to be signed.  Yesterday I called the official branch for insurance from Joe's work and they sent me to the official insurance office.  They sent me back to my first call.  Nobody will write us a letter.  Instead they want to send us all the documentation included in our benefits packets but we don't get the letterhead and signature.   This is a little frustrating.  That is something we will tackle next week, 8am on Monday!

CAN sent out an email to all Congo parents, letting us know that they are looking to hire more employees that can be on the ground at their orphanages and set up referrals.  This is awesome because hopefully the 9-12 month wait for a referral will go back down to 2-6, or whatever it was!

Not concerning the adoption, our baby Julia is not so much a baby anymore.  I think we only have a few more months where she will have those babyish qualities and then will turn into a 'kid.'  This beaks my heart!  I have been proof over the last 2 years that it is hard to leave stages behind and move to the next, but that it is worth it and only becomes more exciting, but I'm not sure I can handle this one!  This is a whole other era of her life!  Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but she is my heart.  It is happening so fast.  I take every opportunity I can get to hold her and have her fall asleep in my arms at night before I put her in her crib, and every time she comes to me, reaches for my hand and takes me to her toys and pats the floor to sit down, I do it.  Of course if my hands are covered in raw chicken I don't, but I have a hard time worrying that she thinks mommy cooks and cleans too much.  And our house definitely doesn't show that I clean too much!  Ha!  Do any other mommies out there struggle with this?  She will be 2 in April and I am so, so, so thankful for the time we've spent together.  I wouldn't trade any day of tantrums and time outs for ANYTHING.  I look forward to learning more about the personality God gave her before she was even created, but please pray for me as we leave a stage behind and move to another!

6 months

Julia's first birthday