"...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act."

Proverbs 24:12

Lord, show us how to act.  And don't let us delay.

Prayerfully Waiting

We've taken a small break from the adoption process to focus on some other things going on and we feel the time to start up again is coming.  I'm back to that overwhelming feeling of all the options this fallen world has to offer.  There are orphans absolutely everywhere.  Humans are starving, children don't have mommies and daddies, some of those children are inside dark rooms 24 hours a day without even seeing light.  They're unadoptable.  Unwanted, shunned by society.  There are child soldiers who will face a lifetime of therapy and are in desperate need of a lifetime of prayer.  Where in the world will this lead us?  At the moment we are drawn to a traditional international process where we would proceed through a placing agency.  But there is also the option of using a private attorney in a foreign country.  I know of people in the blog world that have done this, in fact, there is one man out there who is extremely reputable and facilitating adoptions isn't even his job, but he does it on top of his mission work in Uganda.  Apparently he is choosing to take a step back from doing adoptions, I secretly pray that the Lord opens doors and funds for him to continue.  Someone like him could tell us a good orphanage to use and we could trust him with our money.  Even while typing this, I know my trust should not be in some person I've drawn in my head who lives in a 3rd world country, but in the Lord.  Sometimes it is so hard to believe that when we are finding out things like Sixty Feet exist, God knew the problem before they even got there to rescue those children.  People always say that once you learn something about the world, you're forever changed and you'll either choose to ignore it or do something about it.  Its that overwhelming feeling again like, "Holy cow, what do I do about it?  How does He expect me to fix this?"  As if that is His plan, to put it all in Lindsey's hands-made of dust.  I think I woke up a little last night when I realized that he doesn't want me to fix the world, but as I sit there in my bewilderment and hopelessness, to realize that the creator of the universe does not let anything sift through His hands without knowing it.  Another moment to give it to God.  To recognize that I am so breakable and he is the one that puts broken things back together.

If you could pray for us that we will see the next step that would be amazing.  This adoption journey so far has been fairly short.  Already I am seeing what a gift it is to give every single moment to our Father and let him show us the path.  His gifts aren't always easy but they form us more into his image and all I desire is His holiness.  To be made like my Savior.  So I'll take it.  But I so eagerly want to know what this child's name is, how old he is, if he is in a safe place, if he has someone to show him affection, if he is old enough to know he is neglected (oh dear...).  My heart is already aching for our son and I have to trust that, as always, His timing is perfect, and we will know.