Drum Roll... The Congo!

It seems like we've been walking in figure 8s these past couple months.  Just because one thing makes sense to us, as a reason to or not to go through a certain country, doesn't mean the Lord won't lead us right back to that country to start our journey.  That is certainly what He has done.

Joe found out that he can take off of work 5-6 weeks so we immediately told our agency that we were set to go through Uganda.  I was so excited to be in the same country as JMCM and possibly meet the boys and see this ministry that has become so dear to our hearts.  A week or so later we learn we are not able to adopt from Uganda because I am on a medication that Uganda does not approve of, and this is something 1/2 of the USA is on.  Oh well.  I'm on the phone with our social worker and she is telling me about Ghana's wonderful program and all I keep thinking is, "It takes 2 years!"  I tell her I will talk to Joe because we might as well consider waiting until July when we've been married 5 years to apply to the Congo.  Then she tells me we don't have to wait, we can start now!  I asked her the same question 3 different ways, 3 times to clarify that our being married for only 4.5 years won't slow us down.  Basically she told me she doesn't know what the other agency was doing.  We've been together for 8 years and that is enough.  There is something we could do to prove we've been together for so long.  And that is... our prom picture!  YES.  LOL.

Well wouldn't you know once we signed up for the congo and paid a hefty amount of money for them to take us seriously, Congo had a botched election.  With all this drama, a process that takes 9-12 months after dossier submission is now suspected to take 12-18 months.  This means the referral timeline is generally expected to be 6-12 months now.  What a bummer.  But the weird thing is, although I'm upset, I feel a peace about it.  Because I know that God could make it happen in 2 days if he wanted.  I also know that if it takes 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, it will be because he wills it.  One thing this adoption has shown me is the Lord's heart.  I haven't seen all of it, but I've seen glimpses of it.  There are orphans in the Congo (and our state, country, Asia, Latin America, etc.) that do not have parents, proper medical care, someone to love on them.  How can we be so oblivious to this?  How in the world can we know this information and not feel led to be an ambassador for these children?  Have our hearts grown so cold that we can even forget this for one minute?  Yes.  And I pray that mine will warm up and he will use Joe and I.  I've said it before, we can't change this crisis, but maybe someone else's heart will change from what we're learning.  And that could save another life.

When we talked to our social worker in our last homestudy meeting (yay!) she told us that she hasn't heard of many Congolese children coming home.  They can be matched with a family, but she knows of more than 1 or 2 that haven't made it to their homecoming because of disease, malnutrition.  What in the world are we doing.

She also told us that if we bring a child home who is a bit older (and the older you adopt, the worse this scenario), the child may go crazy at being held because they never were.  These aren't just horror stories, they are stories our own social worker has experienced.  I kiss Julia all over her little face countless times a day.  Hold her and squeeze her against her will more than I can guess.  I cannot imagine our son not experiencing this while we are apart.  Any child missing out on this kind of love.  And that doesn't only happen to orphans, let me remind you.  I have a sweet friend named Brooke who adopted their son from Ethiopia.  Their story is much different, the caregiver for their son loved Bennett and they still keep in contact with her.  I hope this will be our story.

Please pray for the Congolese orphans.  For the families who are further through the process of their adoptions and they are still waiting on things to wrap up quickly.  That God will be glorified in their stories and in ours.  

The Congo, Uganda and Ghana

Well, we can't adopt the little boy.

It was probably 2 weeks ago that we learned he would not be our son.  It was just a weird way to find out. The social worker from the agency wrote us and said, "Well, I have good news, the orphanage wants to work with you!"  We were floored!  It seemed unreal that this would actually be happening, that we had already seen the face of our son and that we knew his name.  We wrote the worker and asked her for clearer details.   Since he is in the Congo we knew we had to wait until we were married 5 years (July '12) and so we asked her if we would be able to travel to get him, say, in August.  She wrote us back and said that we actually wouldn't be able to do anything but submit our dossier until the end of July (so the 8-9 month process would start then) and the orphanage didn't want to make him wait that long so we wouldn't be allowed to adopt P.  This is totally understandable, and so good for him.  This means that he will have a family much sooner than he would if we were to proceed with adopting him.  That is what I truly wanted, was for him to have parents.  But in reality, the orphanage doesn't want to work with us early, and I sincerely wish she would have told us everything first.  Kind of felt like we were being strung along.  Oh well.  What are you going to do?

We decided we need to start the Uganda or Ghana program through a different agency.  This is a longer process but we can start it now so it will probably end up being about the same length of time as it would be if we adopted through the Congo.  The only thing holding us back is that both countries require a 5-6 week travel time.  We need to know if UPS will allow this length of absence.  Need to know soon!  Please pray with us.

On another note, I started a prayer jar at home.  It sits on our kitchen table so each time we sit down to eat and say Grace, we pull out a strip of paper that has a prayer request on it!  We've done this for about a week now and we enjoy it because it reminds us of things that we may not always think of, but we should definitely remember from time to time.  We even have one that says "don't ask for anything, but thank God for 5 things!"  When I first started out I think I had 10 strips of paper and thought this would be plenty.  Then the Lord reminded me of so many families, ministries, illnesses, etc. and 5 minutes later I was finished writing :)

Homestudy, Attorneys, Orphanages and God's Perfect Timing

So much to catch up on!

I've realized I never even talked about our first homestudy meeting which took place the first week of August.  We were so stinkin nervous.  What if our social worker thought we were totally lame?  We tend to have a lot of lame jokes... I even gave Joe a briefing about how much of our humor we should actually share with her-we aren't normal.  Our worker is named Rebecca, she was hilarious and immediately put us at ease, well, after telling us to relax the 3rd time I think we finally thought it was safe :).  She asked us all kinds of questions ranging from, "Lindsey, why were you first attracted to Joe?" to "Joe, what does your brother do for a career?"  Details, details details.  We were there I think 2.5 hours and she gave us so much information to go on concerning different countries (we hadn't yet decided) and options such as waiting child vs. referral program.  Which I can cover a bit later.

So at this meeting she told us we needed to pick our placing agency (the agency that would say, "this is your child" and help us through the process-referral program) then we could meet again and have our meeting at our home (make sure there aren't any meth labs in the basement kind of thing).  It is now nearly mid October and we haven't chosen our agency.  Very good reasons, this you will also soon see.

After the meeting I confessed to Joe that I felt the Lord was leading me to a specific continent.  I told him I didn't think I should tell him, and he agreed, that he should see where he felt he was being lead.  About a week later we both had the discussion and Joe told me he felt God was leading us to Africa-and I as well.  This was huge.  In the beginning of our journey we researched fostering to adopt, domestic adoption and international adoption.  We had no idea where to go.  Once we decided on international we both voiced that we certainly felt like Africa was not in our radar.  I continuously told Joe I thought we were being lead to a hispanic or asian country, but it was definitely not Africa.  And there we were... months later and the Lord used his perfect ways to direct our hearts to His plan, our son.  Now when Joe and I were dating we always talked about Africa, visiting, living, we didn't know.  Years later we thought that had passed, and now in His perfect timing, He has shown us why Africa was on our hearts so long ago (I say "so long ago" but in reality it's more like 8 years).  God is good.  I can't sit here and say that it has been easy wondering why in the world we felt that so long ago, I questioned it every single day and still do.  If you want me to dive deeper into this issue I will but it will have to be through personal email, I can't share all of this with the blog world-lol.  But it is satisfying to look back and HONESTLY say that I am joyful with His timing.  And it hasn't even happened yet.  This is so big.  So, so big.  It's been rough.

We began researching countries.  Ethiopia has dramatically reduced their adoptions due to corruption (like Guatemala), Uganda has extreme need, DRC Congo requires a 5 year marriage.  I started researching agencies that places children in Uganda with families, and attorneys and orphanages in Uganda.  Our social worker had mentioned that if  you skip the agency and go straight to an attorney (and they have their orphanage they work with) the timeline is considerably faster and it is even thousands cheaper.  It didn't hurt to research.  I emailed probably 10 Ugandan attorneys that listed "adoption" in their specifics and heard from maybe 3 that said they could help us.  I then remembered Gwen Oatsvall from 147 Million Orphans and thought surely she could suggest someone to talk to about this attorney process.  It was obviously risky to take this initiative without an agency to back you up and "protect" you.  She sent me to a lady named Tosha who was actually in Uganda with her adopted little girl at that very moment, and she had used her own private attorney.  I contacted Tosha and yada yada yada, wasn't too sure.  I went back to Gwen (I know, this is getting long) and she said they adopted their children straight from an orphanage.  Wow!  More research... that night I stayed up to midnight researching lists of Ugandan orphanages and emailed around 45 of them.  I think to this day I've only heard from maybe 15 of them.  There was one that stuck out, Jesus and Me Children's Ministries.  David Knowlton, the director, was on facebook.  I have no pride, I requested friendship.  David is such an encouraging man of God.  We began emailing him with questions about adopting through JMCM and we have been so blessed in the short 2 weeks that we've "known" him to see his heart for orphans and, more importantly, his obedience and faith in Jesus Christ.  Every email starts something like one of Paul's letters, "Greetings through our Lord Jesus Christ..." He has no doubt that a thousand dollars will be provided when they need the money asap to rent a larger house to provide living quarters for volunteers and children.  And guess what-it happens.  Why?  Because honestly, in our life of abundant material things, we do not first go to God as our provider.  If we need a thousand dollars, we call a family member, get a credit card, take out a loan.  Why wouldn't we first go to the one that created us, said He will provide and sustain us?  Why do we not give Him the opportunity to even show us what he can do? This saddens me.  That is another blog post.  Anyways, we finally contacted David and specifically asked him if he had any boys under 2.  There are boys that JMCM provides for but they may still have living family members.  He did not suggest we try to independently adopt a child who wasn't completely orphaned-he had seen people lose their adoption and their money because caregivers had protested at the last minute.  However, he offered to consult with a local baby home, get to know the organization and children, choose a child for us, adopt him, then proceed with us adopting him through JMCM.  How can you not be touched by his generosity and willingness to find an orphan a family?  We declined his offer but thanked him for his offer.  It just didn't feel right, although we had become somewhat attached to JMCM and their endeavors for orphans, we quickly knew that this wasn't the route for our adoption.  That was okay-we are thankful to have gained a friend in David, and to have the honor of praying for this noble ministry.  It feels like a small detour, like driving from Kentucky to California with the redwood trees as your goal but you see a sign along the way visit an awesome restaurant full of people you know you will see someday again.  Because we will-they are our family in Christ and our hearts now think of the JMCM children.

The next day we planned to call the agency we've considered all along they way.  But God had yet another plan.

A week prior to our decision I would still search the web for waiting African children (the waiting child route).  We found a little boy who is 2 months younger than Julia (so 15 months).  We inquired on him and the agency he is through wrote back and said he is still available and to look at the details.  He is in the Congo.  I told the social worker we were saddened that we wouldn't be able to proceed; we've only been married 4 years.  Now is the day we're supposed to call the agency-she writes me and tells me sometimes they make exceptions.  We were very excited and wrote her back immediately.  They wanted to know if we lived together before we were married or at least how long we dated.  Well, we didn't live together, but we dated 4.5 years.  We've also known each other for 13 years!  It has been nearly a week and a half but she hasn't heard back from the orphanage yet.  Apparently the facilitator is traveling and hard to reach!

This little boy may be ours. He has a name, age, face, a story.  But this may also be another detour we're for some reason being taken on.  Honestly, if we don't bring this specific little boy home I will be okay just as long as he does end up going home to someone.  He needs a mommy and a daddy.  But I love him.  It is up to the Lord if I ever get to show him that love.

As always, please pray for us and this little boy we will call "P".  I would like to know things quickly so that we can proceed with whatever route we need to take.  I know this is a lot to ask especially since I've seen God prove himself as the perfect timer, but my heart is so frail and all I want is immediacy!!!!

Thank you for reading all of this, if anyone does :)

"...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act."

Proverbs 24:12

Lord, show us how to act.  And don't let us delay.

Prayerfully Waiting

We've taken a small break from the adoption process to focus on some other things going on and we feel the time to start up again is coming.  I'm back to that overwhelming feeling of all the options this fallen world has to offer.  There are orphans absolutely everywhere.  Humans are starving, children don't have mommies and daddies, some of those children are inside dark rooms 24 hours a day without even seeing light.  They're unadoptable.  Unwanted, shunned by society.  There are child soldiers who will face a lifetime of therapy and are in desperate need of a lifetime of prayer.  Where in the world will this lead us?  At the moment we are drawn to a traditional international process where we would proceed through a placing agency.  But there is also the option of using a private attorney in a foreign country.  I know of people in the blog world that have done this, in fact, there is one man out there who is extremely reputable and facilitating adoptions isn't even his job, but he does it on top of his mission work in Uganda.  Apparently he is choosing to take a step back from doing adoptions, I secretly pray that the Lord opens doors and funds for him to continue.  Someone like him could tell us a good orphanage to use and we could trust him with our money.  Even while typing this, I know my trust should not be in some person I've drawn in my head who lives in a 3rd world country, but in the Lord.  Sometimes it is so hard to believe that when we are finding out things like Sixty Feet exist, God knew the problem before they even got there to rescue those children.  People always say that once you learn something about the world, you're forever changed and you'll either choose to ignore it or do something about it.  Its that overwhelming feeling again like, "Holy cow, what do I do about it?  How does He expect me to fix this?"  As if that is His plan, to put it all in Lindsey's hands-made of dust.  I think I woke up a little last night when I realized that he doesn't want me to fix the world, but as I sit there in my bewilderment and hopelessness, to realize that the creator of the universe does not let anything sift through His hands without knowing it.  Another moment to give it to God.  To recognize that I am so breakable and he is the one that puts broken things back together.

If you could pray for us that we will see the next step that would be amazing.  This adoption journey so far has been fairly short.  Already I am seeing what a gift it is to give every single moment to our Father and let him show us the path.  His gifts aren't always easy but they form us more into his image and all I desire is His holiness.  To be made like my Savior.  So I'll take it.  But I so eagerly want to know what this child's name is, how old he is, if he is in a safe place, if he has someone to show him affection, if he is old enough to know he is neglected (oh dear...).  My heart is already aching for our son and I have to trust that, as always, His timing is perfect, and we will know.

Sseko Designs

I have been eyeing these sandals for a while now.  They have interchangeable laces so that 1 pair can become many pairs, and each lace can be tied in a bazillion different ways.  In my first post I alluded to helping and supporting orphans, this is a great way to support the women of Uganda.  These beautiful shoes are made so that they can afford a secondary education!  I love products like these, where you know the makers are treated fairly and you're supporting a great cause.  

You can go here to buy a pair.

Here to see the women and read their stories!

One Answer at a Time

So we are going international.  It is exciting to know one more answer to all of our questions, to be one step closer.  Now that we know our son is overseas, there is a very good possibility that he is already born or at least very close to being born!  This means he will very likely be no younger than 9 months when he joins our family, as this is the earliest age we've ever heard of an overseas child being adopted.  Please pray for his health and safety, as well as the health and safety of his birth mom.

We are still gathering paperwork for our first meeting with our homestudy agency.  We sent off 2 background checks a week or so ago and hope those will be processed soon.  We've sent my and Julia's medial reports to our doctors and plan on picking those up this week.  Joe has to make a doctor appointment to have his form filled out as well.  We also need to collect 3 letters of recommendation from friends.  It is our goal to have our first meeting in August.  I think it can be done!

As for countries, there is so much research to be done.  Here's to patience.  :)